You don’t have to be smart to have a smartphone…

and now there’s Olivia Munn:

Olivia_munn

and Christina Hendricks:

Christina_hendricks

(Some of the pics from these ladies were a lot worse, and not safe for work)

My question is: WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU KEEP THESE ON YOUR PHONE?!!?

I’m not complaining that these made the light of day, by any means. I think it’s awesome that these women are proud enough of their bodies to show them to every breathing man with a huge libido and equally large imaginations. 

With the technology employed in todays smartphones, they’re basically carrying around a computer in thier purses. The REAL question is: Why can’t these hackers hit their home computers and find the cache of REALLY juicy stuff?!??!

Half of me says that this is great publicity on thier part, it keeps their names relevant. However, ScarJo denied, Munn denied, Hendricks said the really naughty one wasn’t her, but the rest are. ScarJo later admitted, Munn is still denying, even though THAT IS HER FACE AND HER BODY. Men have seen it before in Maxim and other fanboy publications, just not to the extent that the pics go.

The other half of me says “If I ever had to deal with this with my daughter, she would be sent back to the stone ages of technology. She would have to beat rocks and sticks together to communicate with the outside world, if she was ever allowed out of the house again.”

I really don’t know how to combat this with my child, other than to not give her a phone, but what’s going to be the trend when she’s old enough to get one for herself?

To the stars that want to keep taking pics on thier cell phones to get “hacked”: Are you too good to make a sex tape that gets “leaked” like everyone else?!?

 


WTFriday!

For many of us, television is a form of entertainment that has played a major part in our culture and enjoyment. Why shouldn’t our pets get in on the action.

“Excuse me?” you say….

I say “DOGtv, the first network built exclusively FOR DOGS.” 

This isn’t even a joke. 

Through years of research with some of the world’s top pet experts, special content was created to meet specific attributes of a dog’s sense of vision and hearing and supports their natural behavior patterns. The result: a confident, happy dog, who’s less likely to develop stress, separation anxiety or other related problems.

Or, you just get a dog that is going to hog the remote when YOU want to watch something. And become a couch potato.

Dogtv_-_what


Blog Challenge: Harry Potter Wands

Last night, Amanda was home relatively early, so I decided to take on the Wizarding World of Paper Magic Wands.

It’s pretty amazing that these were made of paper. My first thought was: “Oh great, they’re going to be all flimsy and the kids are going to destroy them in about 4 minutes.” As we progressed through the instructions, though, I found them to be surprisingly sturdy, which is also why I can never ever be an engineer.

The 3 older kids did thier own, and Amanda helped B with his. She asked me to Photoshop her picture, so I just touched up her cheekbones a little. 

Amanda_wands

She pulled up a recliner to the table, also.

The kids really enjoyed painting and decorating thier wands, but got impatient with the hot glue gun, and 3 of them, Amanda included, didn’t bother to add the raised portions of the wand. 

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Ally and her mysterious blurry wand

I didn’t quite get to the point that the original picture did, because Ally wanted me to put glitter on mine. My raised portions of my wand were really small, and the only metallic paint I had was old plastic model paint in aluminum, so it didn’t take too much. 

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From left to right: Ally’s, Kat’s, Nic’s

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From left to right: Nic’s, Brody’s, Dad’s

While they were drying, my perverted mind immediately thought: “Wow. If I ever saw a unicorn’s ding, this is probably what it would look like.”

But, barring the pornographic unicorn references, it was fun. Give it a try!


WTFriday!!

I know I have been absent for a while, and I apologize. Life is starting to calm down for the moment, and I will get back to blogging and the CHALLENGES in a short bit.

But in the meantime, here is your weekly dose of neutered intelligence:

I came across the illegitimate love child of jeggings and Pajama Jeans, named “Action Jeans”

Chuck_norris

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!! I also found the ONLY classy way to wear sweatpants to work!

That’s right: Dress Pant Sweatpants. So casual, you can take a nap, so formal, you can wear them with a suit……….

If I saw my CEO wearing these, I would update my resume on every job hunting website I could find, because either he’s/she’s a transient posing as a high powered executive, or he’s the laziest SOB and can only fathom getting himself half dressed in the morning. Nothing better than the boss rolling out of the rack with his “Dress Pant Sweatpants” already pressed and well-worn from 8 hours of sleep!

 

Dresspant-sweatpant-


WTFriday!

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Having been close to death’s door a time (or 4) before, the first thought that I had was: “OMG, I totes need to update FB, Twitter, and YouTube about whatz happenin 2 me!!!!1!!!1 <3”

Social media is awesome, but what happens to your status updates if you die? The obvious answer would be: They End. Period. 

The new answer is: If I Die. An app that you can dictate a final message to your 700 friends and close acquaintences that, in the event of death, 3 of your “trustees” (read: drunk friends) can post in your behalf.

I have a hard enough time finding my friends’ inane status updates in my feed, God forbid they should post: “Well, just bought the farm!! LOLZ! No more work for me!”

The fact that you have to trust your friends to post your final message is another iffy catch for me. What if “I love my family and will miss you” suddenly turns into “I love my RICHARD and will miss RICHARD FOREVR N EVR AMEN. LMAO.”

*sigh* brb….making a video.

 


All Hope Is Lost….

I found this pin on Pinterest, complete with instructions for Photoshop. Sweet!

First problem: I know absolutely jack about Photoshop. I have the open source alternative, GIMP, so I had to alter the instructions slightly.

Second problem: I have pretty much no patience. Apparently it’s required for this project to be successful. Otherwise, you end up like I did, with posters reminiscent of Toxic Avenger movie ads.

Third problem: I wasn’t about to make a picture of myself…..so I found some unwilling participants.

Here are the original photos (by With Love Photography):

Ally_crazy
Kat_heartbreaker
Nic_epic
Brody_superhero

Here are the “HOPELESS” propaganda posters I created:

Ally_poster

The first one….I tried following all the instructions to the letter. It doesn’t look anything like the Obama poster.

Katposter

Poor Katie. There weren’t enough shadows or something. I followed all the instructions on this one too. After I “completed” this one, I threw the instructions out. I think the words “Close Enough” were uttered quite a bit…..

Nicposter

Getting better….a little closer.

Brodyposter

And I quote: “Wrap this sucker up! I don’t really give a rat’s ass what it looks like. I’m tired of editing photos. Your sister is damn crazy to do this all day.”

Art wasn’t my strongest class, people. Cut me some slack. Besides, I told you the attempts would be laughable.

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February 3, 2012

WTFriday!

By sooperjeenyus

File this under “Whittling away an already small target market”

The Social Shower Curtain. For when you have to pretend to update your inane statuses while you shower. I’m waiting for the “Assbook” toilet seat.

Social-shower-curtain-low-res

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January 27, 2012

WTFriday!

By sooperjeenyus

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Being the father that lets thier children explore (controlled) on the internet, I have no problem with them and YouTube (I changed thier settings so they can’t see boobies). 

My 10 year old is now a makeup maven (like momma), and follows several makeup channels, including an awesome little girl with cancer that is so full of life, she glows. Stay with me, this is not the WTF part.

 

While stumbling across the internet, I found something that confused me. My 10 year old, however, said “Dad!! You haven’t seen that?!? OMG?!?!”, then my wife also reiterated the same feeling, meaning that apparently, I’m not up to par on my youtube virals. It’s called the Cinammon Challenge. Seriously. Search for “Cinnamon Challenge” on YouTube, and you get this:

About 25,200 results

 

 

 

 

 

 

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January 24, 2012

Challenges!

By sooperjeenyus

Between looking for a new house, and trying to make all the stuff that my wife has on Pintrest, I came up with a brilliant idea.

I have created a new board on my Pintrest account for blog challenges, so I can make stuff that you guys find on Pintrest, and post the results. 

Most likely, I will fail horribly. COMEDY GOLD. 

I already put a couple of ideas that I’m going to start on next week, so please feel free to send me links to pins, or mention me in the comments of any pins you would like me to add to the board and fail miserably at.

http://pinterest.com/sooperjeenyus/blog-challenges/

For the love of Pete, nothing that I have to buy stuff for. I’m broke enough as it is. 

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January 20, 2012

WTFriday!

By sooperjeenyus

Wtfriday_banner

I stumbled across this next product in my interwebz searching. 

If you could have a glimmering moment of sunshine in your otherwise dismal cubicle sentence, how would finding a good sign at the bottom of your coffee cup. 

Here’s why this product is brilliant. Rather than give you the impression that you’re going to be blown away by your regular cup of half burned Folger’s (because your company is “cutting costs”, and they have to “sacrifice” and “trim the fat” by “getting rid of some luxury items” such as good coffee), the manufacturers make you wait until you have nearly drank the whole cup, because then you are 1000% less likely to strangle a co-worker.

I give you the “Minor Miracle – Our Lady of the Latte” coffee mug

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Sometimes inspiration appears when you least expect it. For example, even a simple mug can confer a Minor Miracle— after you drink your morning coffee or tea, a vision of The Holy Mother materializes in the bottom of your cup. Take it as a sign — caffeine is GOOD. Don’t you think every day should start with a Minor Miracle? Beautiful giftbox packaging.

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